Police are warning about a new threat to our safety.
A new criminal walks our streets, threatening our way of life.
A criminal who invades our very homes.
For the past several months, this mysterious offender, known only as “The Bread Molester,” has been breaking into houses in order to stroke, grope, and otherwise fondle your bread.
Police sketch artists have issued this image based on witness descriptions:
Police are advising everyone to examine their bread carefully. You may have been a victim of the Bread Molester if your bread exhibits any of the following syptoms:
- Traces of saliva
- Penis-shaped holes
- A mysterious white sauce of unknown origins
If you or anyone you know suspects that your bread has been molested, please:
- Notify the police
- Store the bread in a cool, dry place
and, above all else,
- DO NOT EAT THE BREAD
Please! Warn your friends!
Spread the Word!
Protect your bread!
Only with your help can we ever hope to end the menace of
THE BREAD MOLESTER!
posted by arthbard at 7:56 pm on Saturday, October 10, 2009
Labels: Humor
[ 3 comments ]
October 11th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
I keep my bread in a bread box. It’s like a safe for bread.
October 18th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Don’t underestimate the Bread Molester. That bread box may not be the impenetrable fortress it appears to be.
October 24th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
yeah, that tongue looks like it can unlock anything.